It has been another busy week but I find myself moving in slow motion, as if moving through quicksand. Plus, I feel like my body is physically releasing toxins from my “stinking-thinking” thoughts – “what if I can’t keep my promises to myself – I’ve let myself down so many times before”, “what if this doesn’t work for me”, “I’m crazy to think I can live a life of these kind of wild dreams!” I am working hard to just trust, let go and believe – slowly, I am getting there. As Og, my constant companion of late, says…”Today I begin a new life. Today I shed my old skin which hath, too long, suffered the bruises of failure and the wounds of mediocrity.”
The exciting thing is I’m definitely going through some type of metamorphous. I’ve become a slave to my new habits and look forward to my daily readings and quiet time. Often, I am rereading different sections of the Master Key passages or sections of GS so the messages sink in and are as clear as they can be for that moment. Each time I read the words, new insights come or meaning settles deeper into my subconscious mind. And as much as I think I am grasping this all, I’m not fully taking it all in yet thanks to my old blueprint which fights me even harder this week than the week before…however, this excites me because I know, and feel, that change is really happening. I can even “see” my subconscious mind creating my new blueprint as I sit in silence during my daily meditations.
What is truly blowing my mind, my Aha Moment you could say, is that I feel like I have stumbled in to this amazing world about which I’ve not yet known, however it is still very familiar to me. Most my life I’ve been a seeker, diligently working hard on growing myself over the last several decades, taking accountability for my choices so I could become the “best me” I was designed and meant to be. Yet, even after Week 1…and after all these years, I’ve realized I’ve had it all backwards. It’s not my choices that change my thoughts…it’s my thoughts that change my choices (hear my palm smacking my forehead – hard!). Not that I haven’t heard or known this before but now I’m truly diving below the surface, into my subconscious mind, starting to fully grasp the meaning of “Thoughts become things so choose your thoughts wisely.”
What frustrates me the most at this particular juncture is that I want my thoughts to change immediately…yet…I realize…this is part of the journey…and…patience is imperative…I don’t want to disrupt this beautiful life-changing experience unfolding before me. “For it is another of nature’s laws that only a habit can subdue another habit. So in order for these written words to perform their chosen task, I must discipline myself …”
Bring on Week 4!